I think my brain is broken

It’s 2:45 on Saturday afternoon. I’ve done nothing. So far, all I’ve managed to accomplish is feeding the cats, cleaning the litter box, and turning the dishwasher on. That’s it. I sat down to do some assignments due next week and my mind went blank. I couldn’t remember anything from last week in my web development class. Nothing. I have no idea what I’m doing. It’s a very scary feeling. I feel like my brain is actually broken. I’m not sure why I’m even blogging this because I can’t think of anything to say. Maybe that’s why I’m saying it, even though that makes absolutely no sense.

I wish I’d heard the actual snap, because then I could pin-point when my brain broke. Unless it’s just in melt-down mode. Melting is quite quiet.

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Duelling idiots

I’ve never hidden the fact that the general public pisses me off. I like people, individually, even in small groups. Heck, I even love some of them. But when you get nameless, faceless, masses of humans together, they all meld into one mind-numbing, for-the-love-of-everything-sacred-someone-hand-me-a-glass-of-wine assemblage.

Take driving, for example. Why, in the name of all that is holy, when there are two lanes in which one can drive, it’s inevitable that two cars will drive side-by-side at the same speed. They won’t even be doing the speed limit. It’s like one idiot started to pass another idiot, and then thought “hey, this could be fun…”, thereby hijacking every car in both lanes behind them.

Take shopping malls, as another example. Why do people feel it’s necessary to stop dead in their tracks when they know people are behind them. The worst ones do this, and then promptly turn around and glare at you if you made the mistake of bumping into them. By the gods people, I’m not psychic, but I might turn psycho if you try to make me feel like this was my fault. I did not want to crash into a total stranger, I usually try to refrain from touching people I don’t know. I’m not a germaphobe, but I do find it inappropriate.

The worst ones, however, are the sidewalk/hallway hoggers. You know the ones… The sidewalk, or hallway, is only three people wide, but three people walk abreast and don’t move out of our way. Sidewalk hoggers suck, because you’re usually forced onto the grass, or better yet, into the road – usually in front of on-coming traffic. Hallways, as you may recall, have walls. Last time I checked, I could not walk through them. So, by not moving out my way, you are now threatening to body check me into the boards (being Canadian, I had to use the hockey metaphor). Yet, if I do not move our of your way, stop dead right in front of you, and let you pass around me like I’m Moses parting the idiot sea, I’m the asshole.

On any given day, I experience at least two of these horrifying social graces. It’s no wonder I go home, hug my cats, and drink wine.

Trying something new….

I have learned so much in such a small amount of time, trying new things are almost scary. I’m afraid I’m going to break the internet. So, if it happens, I want it to be for a reason…..

I’ve always wanted to start a blog,

even though my brain’s a fog.

I ramble about many things,

and hope my nightmares don’t sprout wings.

Software learning is insane,

but my head is used to pain.

All the programs make me overload,

If I learn it all, motherlode!!!!

Zombie Garden Gnomes

Okay, I’ve mentioned them enough that I suppose I should finally tell the tale.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a princess in a beautiful old house. The princess had a great love for birds, and flowers, and books, and wine. When the weather was lovely, which was often in the magical kingdom, the princess would sit on her deck with a book and glass of wine and watch the birds, and smell the flowers. It was a sanctuary unto itself, and the princess was most happy. During the warmer months, the princess loved the birds so much that she also provided them with a constant supply of fresh water to drink. This, she offered through her magical hose from her magical house.

One day, the magical hose sprung a leak and no matter what the princess did, she could not stop the flow of water without turning off the water supply completely. This was not a problem, considering the fact that birds did not require fresh water in the darkest of hours. As the sun went down, the princess settled in to enjoy her evening with her feline friends when she remembered the hose. “Oh no!” she declared, and sprang from her repose. “The water shall run, and run, and that will be a terrible drain on our natural resources!” The princess dashed outside, leapt over the magical lawnmower and turned the tap off at it’s source. Mightily pleased, she leapt back over the the magical lawnmower, lost her balance, stepping in an enormous hole left by a falling icicle in the spring, and promptly landed face-first in the drought-ridden, hard-packed earth. The crunch of her fractured nose echoed throughout the kingdom.

The princess survived, albeit a bit bloodily, and to this day, if anyone asks, it was the zombie garden gnomes who attacked. For the real story is far less interesting.

Oh how exciting!!!

As I mentioned in my previous post, we’ve hurtled into the joy and bliss of WordPress. I started this blog as one of my portfolio submissions to get into the program. But, it’s been pretty fun and a good place to vent, so I’m keeping it up. This week, however, I learned more, so I’ve gotten fancy. I now have categories.

And there was much rejoicing. *Yaaaayyyy*

rejoicing

My brain may explode soon…

Three months ago, I was unemployed and stressed. I am now longing for days gone by. When I was unemployed, I applied for 307 jobs in six months. I was busy. But, I was also depressed and sleeping a lot. Other than job hunting, I was reading books… that’s about it. Not a vigorous schedule, but, in all honesty, when one is depressed, that’s a lot. Fast forward three months. I went from sleeping late, napping, looking for jobs, and reading books, to school. WTF?

I don’t regret going to school. I know that my future is going to be brighter when I’m done. But, that being said, should I have gone back to learn everything new? In 11 weeks, I’ve been given instruction on Adobe Photoshop, Illustrator, Dreamweaver, Premiere Pro and Bridge. Don’t forget Sublime Text 2, Mamp, FileZilla and now WordPress. There’s a *kaboom* right there. That’s nine software packages in 11 weeks. Then you throw in HTML, CSS, Javascript, JQuery, PSP, fancy photography and video techniques, lighting, and infrastructure architecture (structure of a website). I kid you not, all I want to do is nap in my spare time.

I’m excited to be learning all this. I was reminded to think of all the things that I could not do in November. It’s pretty cool. But it’s also pretty scary. Because I’m not sure I know all the things I’ve learned so far. Have I really learned it? Or have I been going through the motions and just getting lucky in following along? I don’t know. My grades range from 89.9% to 100%. Apparently, I’m doing pretty well….

But you know what’s missing? I seem to have lost my weirdness. I haven’t had a single zombie garden gnome attack me in my backyard. But, then again, there’s still snow on the ground. What zombie, in their right mind, would wander about in sub-zero temperatures. I have some blissfully bizarre (but wonderfully funny) classmates that I get together with for beers at the school pub – usually on Thursdays. We’ve had some seriously fucked up conversations, which is awesome.

But despite all that, I find that I’m spending so much time trying to make sure I stay on the honour roll that I’m losing myself. There are only five months left. I hope I’m still the same me when I’m done…

Reality check

As I trundle through every day, trying to keep my head above water, I will occasionally stop and wonder  what the hell I’m doing. I talk to my classmates every day, and am active on the social media boards, but every now and then it dawns on me… Holy crap, I’m in school and learning a whole whack of new stuff. (No wonder I nap when I can.) I just finished a project that had me create a website without touching existing HTML, and using only CSS code. I hated it, and then I loved it. I know I got help, but I keep bringing it up on the screen and I can’t believe I did that. Even my prof liked it. I thought it was simplistic, but he saw it as artistic. That made me happy.

On a personal note, I’m still happy. It’s weird. Yesterday, I stood in the arms of a man that I have fallen in love with, and was fascinated by the fact that this person exists. As I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him, I couldn’t help but marvelling that he was real. Flesh and blood. Free will – and he chooses to be with me. And he thinks I’m perfect. I still question his sanity, and double check how much he’s had to drink when he says stuff like that…

But, of course, the universe has to keep me humble. I’m now mortally wounded again, with the second sprain of my left ankle in three months. I’d love to say that I was battling zombie garden gnomes – because that has happened before, only that resulted in a fractured nose and concussion. It has been suggested that demonic possession could have been the source of my fall. I think that has a far more adventurous ring to it than “I missed a step”…