Zombie Garden Gnomes

Okay, I’ve mentioned them enough that I suppose I should finally tell the tale.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a princess in a beautiful old house. The princess had a great love for birds, and flowers, and books, and wine. When the weather was lovely, which was often in the magical kingdom, the princess would sit on her deck with a book and glass of wine and watch the birds, and smell the flowers. It was a sanctuary unto itself, and the princess was most happy. During the warmer months, the princess loved the birds so much that she also provided them with a constant supply of fresh water to drink. This, she offered through her magical hose from her magical house.

One day, the magical hose sprung a leak and no matter what the princess did, she could not stop the flow of water without turning off the water supply completely. This was not a problem, considering the fact that birds did not require fresh water in the darkest of hours. As the sun went down, the princess settled in to enjoy her evening with her feline friends when she remembered the hose. “Oh no!” she declared, and sprang from her repose. “The water shall run, and run, and that will be a terrible drain on our natural resources!” The princess dashed outside, leapt over the magical lawnmower and turned the tap off at it’s source. Mightily pleased, she leapt back over the the magical lawnmower, lost her balance, stepping in an enormous hole left by a falling icicle in the spring, and promptly landed face-first in the drought-ridden, hard-packed earth. The crunch of her fractured nose echoed throughout the kingdom.

The princess survived, albeit a bit bloodily, and to this day, if anyone asks, it was the zombie garden gnomes who attacked. For the real story is far less interesting.


3 thoughts on “Zombie Garden Gnomes

  1. They are truly diabolical little buggers…I wonder if they are related to those vile cement-crack-trolls–the ones who lift the edge of a random crack in the cement just when you are moseying along, causing you to do that oh so elegant trip/stumble/curse/check for witnesses thing….

  2. Cement-crack-trolls are a major problem in urban centres. But people seem blind to the growing menace, being more concerned about pothole goblins (curse their vile shovels and pickaxes).

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